Loss Of Memories
We went to NY for the day today. My uncle is turning 50, so a bunch of family members, including my sister and her family met up at his house to celebrate. It wasn't your typical celebration, but it was nice to see everyone. My nephew is getting so big, and I even got to see him walking! It was also nice to see my cousins for the first time in over a year.
My mother and step-father drove with me, and on the ride home we got to talking about how all 3 boys (my 2 and my nephew) look so much like one of us. My nephew looks like my sister, Josh looks like me, and Jacob is the spitting image of Joe. I asked my mom if she notices that when she looks at Jacob, or if she's sort of forgotten how Joe looked. She didn't really answer that, but instead said that he doesn't look like anyone in our family, so he must look like Joe. I felt sad when she said that, but then she added that Jacob has Joe's sense of humor. I asked what she meant, and she said that Joe was really funny.
Now, I can remember what Joe looked like, and I can remember that he was funny. But the details...the details are getting fuzzy. His voice (other than the fact that it was deep) is gone from my memory. Totally gone. But I can practically feel his hand touching mine right now. It's that familiar to me.
I remember laughing a lot with Joe. But why? I don't remember what we laughed about.
It's scary to think about what I'm forgetting. If anyone can help me remember, I'd certainly appreciate it.
b
My mother and step-father drove with me, and on the ride home we got to talking about how all 3 boys (my 2 and my nephew) look so much like one of us. My nephew looks like my sister, Josh looks like me, and Jacob is the spitting image of Joe. I asked my mom if she notices that when she looks at Jacob, or if she's sort of forgotten how Joe looked. She didn't really answer that, but instead said that he doesn't look like anyone in our family, so he must look like Joe. I felt sad when she said that, but then she added that Jacob has Joe's sense of humor. I asked what she meant, and she said that Joe was really funny.
Now, I can remember what Joe looked like, and I can remember that he was funny. But the details...the details are getting fuzzy. His voice (other than the fact that it was deep) is gone from my memory. Totally gone. But I can practically feel his hand touching mine right now. It's that familiar to me.
I remember laughing a lot with Joe. But why? I don't remember what we laughed about.
It's scary to think about what I'm forgetting. If anyone can help me remember, I'd certainly appreciate it.
b
23 comments:
When I think about Joe, I usually picture him on your front porch - probably watching the Sox, probably smoking a cigar. (I saw him there a lot. :o)
The other memory I have is from the day Jenn and I visited you guys in the hospital - when Jacob was born. (I think a Red Sox game was on then too. :o) But mostly I remember the way he looked at you and Jacob...
I will try to think of more stories you've told me and will share.
Maybe read the memory books. Other people's memories might spark more of your own.
Hang in...
b,
I don't know Joe, but I "know"...I sense...the impact and impression he's made on you and those who know you (and him) that have posted on your blog.
There's lots of love. Lots of laughter. Lots of good times.
Focus on the feelings...the details...yah, they may get fuzzy...but the love remains. That's what counts.
*hugs*
*hugs*
Rambling Muse - Well said.
Write down the details you remember now, all the little things you do remember and don't want to forget. Maybe by focusing your mind and exercising it you will remember more.
And I too love what Rambling said. :)
I think writing down some of finer details that you can remember and want to is a great idea. I do think once you stretch your memory you'll find out that you remember a great deal more than you think you do.
I remember that Joe played games at your house when you had company. Even though he didn't really want to, but he made the best of it for you. I remember that you couldn't be partners because he'd get mad if you lost. I remember playing Cranium with him and Brett. And the never ending game of Trivial Pursuit. MK said that he'd only go back over, if we promised to never play that game again: ) I think Joe felt the same way.
I remember his fondness of chesse puffs, even though they made him sick. And how he wanted to write a book about how they vary across the country. Just the way he described the differences was amusing. He always had ideas, plans, goals.
And all the freaking lists and notes... the little pieces of paper! R.M. said it well his love for you and for the boys is obvious.
Here's a funny Joe story: Joe and Brett were in Joe's Cadillac at a red light. Another Cadillac pulled up alongside them and Joe said, "Uh-oh, there's going to be some 'lac on 'lac violence." We still laugh about that today.
I forgot about that story! Lac on Lac! Actually I don't think I heard that story until Joe died, but it is so Joe.
JRowe, Love your memories. He really did want to do the cheese puff book. And all the bits of random paper, lol...that's one think I do not miss!
Mel, that's pretty much what you knew of Joe, and that was def. him. I wish you got to hang out with him more socially.
RM, Walter, SM, and dial up, your words mean a lot. thanks.
The last 2 deletions were mine. For some reason, my comment was posted 3 times! ( I always am curious as to what was deleted)
I wish I got to hang out with him more socially too. Ronnie and I were just saying that last night. Should have gone to dinner, the movies (not that we could have agreed on which one :o), or whatever...
b
thanks for telling us about the deletes, i am ALWAYS curiuos about those!!!
b-I don't know if you remember but I have a brainstorm Word document entitled N Memories. I just spit out a bunch of partial memories over a few nights. Not the whole stories, just pieces of them (maybe 6 words each). THey remind me enough & I can always add to them.
Maybe you could start such a document. You can fix it up later with more details & better writing or just let it be what it is--a quick list of times together...
I totally know what you mean...at almost 5 years out, you can imagine how foggy my memory is. What works best for me -- especially as I'm trying to share stories with Jack -- is to look at pictures. It helps trigger some of those memories. I have a friend who is going to help me with a scrapbook...someday! Then I can write little stories to go with the pictures.
I forgot about that. Good idea, b/c even from reading these memories, it's helping me remember others.
For example, Joe at one point really wanted to start a business called "play-by-play porn." Basically people would come to a bar, and porn would play on a big screen. But Joe would be the MC and announce all of the different positions.
silly boy. Boy do I miss him.
Nice memory, J. Rowe. I will never ever play Trivial Pursuit the same way again.
Here's one: B and Joe came to our housewarming party in October 2003, and the Sox were in the playoffs. Joe wore is childhood Red Sox tie (was it a clip-on?) in support of his favorite team. And then at some point that night, Joe almost got in a fight with another party goer regarding the Johnny Cochran-inspired lawyer on Seinfeld. And if you remember what that was about, I'll just say this: Joe was right.
I unfortunately never really got to know Joe that well, but listening to and reading about memories is something we'll be able to do forever. And you're not forgetting anything, B... every moment you spent with him... good, bad or otherwise... is all up there somewhere. Out of the blue you'll remember something you've long forgotten. Trust me. :)
I just realized why mom said Joe was funny. Our mother has a very, well, unique (to be polite about it) laugh. It's kind of silent heaving interspersed with shrieks, plus some bladder leakage. Whenever our mother would start laughing, Joe would start to imitate her laugh, which would lead to her laughing harder and then everyone else would start to laugh too. He also did a great Aunt Marilyn imitation.
LOL! Remember Thanksgiving? I think that's when it was. We played a game where someone would leave the room, and everyone in the room would make up a rule that the person would have to figure out. I forget who left, but the rule we made up was to answer the question the way we thought the person next to us would answer.
Well next to Joe was mom. So he kept imitating her laugh in his answers. Which then made her laugh. Which then had us all laughing.
Thanks for the reminder.
MK, I have no recollection of the argument he got into. (but no surprise Joe was right. He tended not to argue about things unless he was sure he was correct) However, I do know that he was so drunk at your party, that I couldn't wait to get him out of there! Thanks for your nice words though.
Joe looking for the lost concert ticket at channukah dinner...Joe cutting the grass while baby Zoe followed him around (him loving every minute of it)I often think of him on that old leather couch in the waltham apartment with papers piled up high around him flicking the channels on the remote and patiently trying to ignore our meadowbrook gossip...N
I love when I called your house and Joe answered! He would always get me to giggle by doing his Joey Tribiani impression, "How you doing?"
I can still hear his voice.....
oh, yeah and how could I forget "My wife's a dirty bird!!!!"
Kristen,
Thanks for that. I could actually hear his voice when I read that.
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