We Were Away

away from home
away from responsibility
away from the phone
away from the Internet
away from cleaning
away
it felt good
but it feels even better
to be home

Happy New Year
I missed you

-b

Some Pictures

Jacob and Josh both loved this digger which they really are too big for.

This sums up the mood of the day

This is one of my two mystery gifts. The other box contained matching drop earrings. I took a picture of them, but it didn't come out. I'm too tired to take another picture. They are beautiful and I love them.

-b

I'm on vacation!

I have the next week and a half off from work
I'll try to blog after Christmas
to let you know what was in those
blue boxes

Merry Christmas!

-b

I Drove in the Snow

This may not seem like a big deal, but as those who know me can attest to, I am scared shitless of driving in the snow. I have panic attacks at the mere thought of it. Luckily for me, Melanie lives around the corner and we work together. (What will I do next year when you move, mel?)

Today I drove myself to school in the snow and was fine, but was getting more and more anxious as the day went on and the snow was building up. I decided to leave my car at school for the night, and drive home with Melanie.

But when I got out to the parking lot I decided to suck it up and drive myself. As it turned out, the roads were 100% fine. I didn't slide once, and there was no traffic. But I didn't know for sure that the roads would be that way.

The roads were so fine that I ended up meeting T for dinner and shopping in Framingham!

Go me!

-b

p.s. To K from Texas: Congrats on your upcoming wedding. I am so very happy for you! We want pictures!

Post For Today

I still need to buy Jacob his Christmas presents
any suggestions?

-b

No Heat

I came home to no heat today
My brand new boiler was having an issue
I do not handle times like that well
I am the first to admit
I get a bit crazy
3 hours later
we have heat
but T is mad
and I am sad
Sometimes I wonder if I should be on meds

-b

My Life in Pictures

Snow Day
Space here on Earth (and taking up my whole living room thanks to my sister who had to prove that my house is messy)

The definition of torture

Yes, those blue boxes are for me

-b

A Bit of a Cheat

This post has to count for Sunday, and I will write a new post tonight for Monday!
We were snowed in yesterday, and I decided to spend the day off of the computer. This is a very hard task for me, as my natural inclination is to check my email and blog every five minutes! Instead I watched a movie with the boys on either side of me, and worked on a 1,000 piece puzzle with T.

This morning my town had a two hour delay due to weather, so I'm sitting in my classroom without students. It sure feels nice!

The party Saturday night was a blast. Somehow I managed to give away a battery operated toy, but ended up with a squeaking rubber chicken. Huh? Not sure how that worked.

Ok, off to get work done before the kids come! I will post again tonight!

-b

No Entries For A Week?

Has it really been a week?
I have no excuses
I've been busy
Tis the season
I suppose

Not much has happened
this past week
we got a lot of snow
T and I shoveled
and it was fun

Somehow even the most laborious jobs
become fun
when I do them with T

Tonight I'm hosting a small gathering
we are having a "dirty" yankee swap
Can't wait to see what I end up with
T just picked up some handcuffs
to put in from him
my contribution requires batteries
should be a fun time

I promise to post every day this week

-b

Hanukkah Dinner With Joe's Family

-b

Happy Hanukkah!

-b

Weekend Reviewed
(in no particular order)

shopping on newbury street, pad thai, cold and windy, new hat from cole haan, chocolate molten cake at finale, two headed shower, dog at pet hotel, lobster spring rolls, down comforters, gingerbread house decorating, boys away, buying more ornaments, sleeping past 8, lots of alcohol, saturday morning services, shopping for hanukkah dinner, losing money to jenn, snow falling

-b

Comforting thoughts

Homemade French Onion Soup
Happy children playing dreidel by the Christmas tree
A writing group meeting that went well
A bottle of wine and smoked gouda with crackers
An MRI that came back completely normal
I will sleep well tonight

-b

Life Clarifications

My house has a Christmas tree in in! The irony of this is that we are Jewish, and I have always sworn that I would never own a Christmas tree. yet we have one because of T, and it's really pretty, and I love it.

Behold the Christmas Tree

I gained 5 pounds over this past week. I have since lost 2 and a half pounds, but T is making Freanch Onion's soup from this month's Cooks Magazine, and I will likely gain them back!

Jacob has his MRI tomorrow. He will be sedated. We will get the results tomorrow, but he was amazingly brave. I was so very proud of him.

Jacob and Brooklyn resting together after his procedure

My niece and nephew are the cutest. No clarification needed.

I got to see Owen and his partner, Charles last week. I really miss Owen and wish he lived closer. I wish Charles lived closer too!

T's parents stayed with us until Sunday! And I was sad to see them go! But it was nice to be done entertaining for a bit.

T and I are going away this weekend. But I really and truly am not expecting a ring. :O( But it should still be a great weekend, We are staying here.

I love The Hills on MTV. Still do.

I'm halfway done with my book. I have been working on a book in my writing group. I'm really liking how it is coming along, but am slightly disturbed by the fact that a very similar book was just published. Hopefully it will do well, and publishers will be thrilled to see another book in the same genre. BTW, I am not reading the other book, for fear that I will accidentally steal the ideas. But feel free to buy it and tell my your thoughts on it! Maybe I'll even let you read my story so far so you can compare the two.

I miss your comments. Please say hello. You guys are the best.

-b

Life

My house has a Christmas tree in in!

I gained 5 pounds over this past week.

Jacob has his MRI tomorrow. He will be sedated.

My niece and nephew are the cutest.

I got to see Owen and his partner, Charles last week. I really miss Owen and wish he lived closer.

T's parents stayed with us until Sunday! And I was sad to see them go!

T and I are going away this weekend. But I really and truly am not expecting a ring. :O(

I love The Hills on MTV.

I'm halfway done with my book.

I miss your comments. Please say hello.

-b

Some pictures from Thanksgiving:

My sister, our kids, and me outside our neighbor's houseThe boys

Sophia

My brother and sister-in-law

Happy thanksgiving!

-b

I am thankful
for my friends
my family
my job
my life

I am thankful
for my health
my home
my freedom

I am thankful
for a houseful of people
food to feed them
laughter shared

I am thankful
for time
helping to heal
wounds

I am thankful
for finding love
and for love
finding me

I am thankful

Happy Thanksgiving

-b

It's My Blogiversary

two years ago today
I started writing
and sharing
my thoughts
my hopes
my fears
my sadness
my joys
my silliness
my anxieties
my life
with all of you
some of you friends
some of you family
some of you strangers
two years later
I'm still sharing
Thank you
for reading

-b

The Positive Side Of Stress

I lost 5 pounds this week
I am now down almost 40 pounds!

Only 20 more to go!
Yay stress!

-b

Jacob's Appointment

Jacob does not have Epilepsy
at least the doctor doesn't think so
but
he does have something blocking
a section of his brain
near the back
What is that something?
We don't know
it could be something very harmless
(That is what the doctor thinks is most likely)
that would not need to be operated on
or it could be something bad
An MRI is now being scheduled
the saga continues
please continue keeping Jacob in your thoughts

-b

Updates

Sorry for the lack of posts this past week
Thanks for all your support with my previous post
I have no updates on it
I'm hoping it has gone away
as much as intolerance can go away

Jacob has been talking a lot about wanting to be dead
I'm not sure if it's because he knows it upsets me
or if there is some truth to it
either way I've sought out some
professional help for him
Hopefully he can work out whatever it is
he needs to work out

We also have his Neurologist appointment
this Wednesday
I will post after the visit
with an update
fingers crossed it's nothing big

I have broken out in a strange looking rash
Kind of looks like little pimples
all over my neck
thoughts on what it could be?

Josh is doing well, but wants to be with mommy
all of the time
normal stage? Can't remember.

I am still not engaged
but am still in love

The boys are napping
so I'm going to take this moment
to order all their holiday presents online

love,
b

The World Has Gone Mad

About a month ago, my class wrote a letter to the local paper about gender equity at McDonald's. Here is a copy of the letter:

We are a third-grade class at the E School. We are writing to you because we are very upset that when we go to McDonald’s drive-thru, we have to choose either a toy for a boy, or a toy for a girl. If you are a boy, it can be embarrassing to ask for the girl toy, even if you really want it. And the same holds true for girls. If we go inside to order, we are not even given the choice, and are handed the toy meant for our gender. We hope that the McDonald’s in N and Boston will change this practice, and offer one toy to both genders.

Lo and behold the letter was published in the local paper a few weeks ago. My students were thrilled to see their words published, and came into school all excited.

Today I got called into my Principal's office. Apparently there are some school committee members who feel like I am pushing a "gay agenda" on my class. Excuse me? Are you kidding? So now I have to defend myself to the Superintendent and the school committee.

The world has gone mad.

-b

Sometimes I have good luck

I picked today to be a personal day way back in August. I spent the day in J & J's classrooms. I picked a good day to miss. There was quite a bit of excitement in the town where I teach today and all of the schools were placed in a lockdown for a few hours. I'm glad I missed it all, but even more glad that no students or teachers were put in harm's way.

-b

More Halloween Pics

These are my crazy third grade co-teachers. They make teaching so fun. Strange costumes, huh?

Here's Al. She teaches first grade, but was my student teacher 4 years ago. She is dressed as another teacher. I think she looks hot.

-b

A few pics from Halloween
more to come...
Hope your Halloween was as great as ours :O)

-b

World Series

I hate hate hate
that Joe isn't here to see this
not fair not fair not fair

-b

p.s. I left out someone's name in my post a few days back. Thank you a thousand times over to my neighbor Chris. She reads here but never comments. Thank you for coming to the house and picking Jacob up when I was out. Thank you for keeping him overnight while I stayed with Joe at the hospital. Thank you for watching Jacob during the funeral. Thank you for telling me that Joe said "goodbye" to Jacob. I never really believed it, but it meant a lot that you told me that anyways.

No Surgery Needed

Met with a surgeon today
and as it turns out
I don't need surgery!
This is very exciting news indeed

Sorry that I haven't filled you in on the details
trust me, you don't want them
but to stop any rumors from spreading
I do not/did not have an STD
and I am not/was not pregnant

Thanks for your support
as always

-b

Thank You

Maybe it's the World Series that has suddenly got me thinking about Joe so much
but he's back
and so are my memories of the end of his life
I can't help but think about all that he's missed out on
The world series is the least of it
but would have been such a big thing
for Joe to witness

While reflecting on his last days
I realized I never thanked all of my amazing friends
who helped me get through those days
So here is a post dedicated to you
It may be quite lengthy
and I'm sure I will leave out a few of you
But I'll do my best

To my sister:
Thank you for dropping everything in your life and staying with me for weeks at a time. Despite being 6 months pregnant, and incredibly uncomfortable, you came through for me in a way in which I'll never be able to repay. Thank you for lying in bed with me, and crying with me, holding my hand, cleaning my house, playing with Jacob, making me laugh. Thank you for standing with me as we lost Joe.

To my brother:
You are rarely mentioned in this blog. Probably because you don't know it exists. But you are a very important person in my life and in the lives of my kids. Thank you for coming to the hospital at 2am and staying with me until Joe died. Thank you for calling me that night and telling me, through your tears, that you will help me raise my boys. Thank you for fulfilling that promise and for being the best uncle my kids could have.

To Melanie:
Thank you for being a best friend in a way that I never knew a best friend could be. Despite having a newborn baby at home you dropped everything for me. You came to the hospital in the middle of the night, you called a long list of people to let them know that Joe died, you helped me through the days, weeks, and years that followed. I know that I am not as good a friend to you as you are to me. I don't have it in me to be that selfless. But I hope you know that I don't take you for granted. I hope you know how lucky I feel to have you in my life.

To Allison:
Thank you for pitch hitting (Or is it pinch hitting? Now I'm not sure of the right term) for me at school. You stepped right in and took over the job for me. I never once worried about my class once I left. Thank you for talking about Joe with me all the time, and helping me get through the past few years. Thanks for making me laugh every time I see you.

To Jenn:
Thank you for watching Jacob while I was in the hospital with Joe. Thank you for cleaning my house in the days that followed. Thank you for telling me Joe stories when I most need to hear them. Thank you for reminding me of all of his good sides when I'm focusing on the bad. I'm so glad you are back in town. I really missed you last year.

To Nikki:
Thank you for cleaning my house despite being ordered around! Thank you for being a friend I can call when I'm sad, and I know I don't have to speak. I can just say, "I'm sad." (Now I'm actually crying, thinking of how often I used to do this. It's been a while...) You never try to cheer me up, you let me talk or not talk. You let me feel what I need to feel. I really appreciate that. Thank you for sharing your Joe memories with me. Thank you for reminding me that I'm really just a total goof.

To Kristen:
Thank you for always telling me how hot Joe was, and how much you loved him. Thank you for visiting the cemetery on your own. Thank you for being an amazing friend to me in good times and bad. I miss you.

To Owen:
Thank you for taking me to your Cape house the week after Joe died. It was a break that I needed, and I appreciated you flying home for me. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for leaving the funniest comments on my blog. Even when we don't speak, I know you're here with me.

To Brett:
Thank you for being Joe's friend. Thank you for visiting him in the hospital, and for being a part of the funeral. I know that you are thinking of him during this series, even without speaking to you. Thank you for thinking of him still. Thank you for all that you did for the boys and I after Joe died. Joe was incredibly proud of you, I'm sure.

There are so many more I should thank. That's the problem with this idea. Some will be left out. I just feel so lucky to have so many great friends. The amazing part is they are all still my friends, and, since Joe died, I have made so many new friends who have helped me along in my journey. That includes all of you readers. Thank you for reading, and letting me write endlessly about myself. I am very lucky indeed.

Go Sox

-b

Engaged

I am not yet engaged
and to be honest
I have no idea when
and if
it will happen
He says it will happen
he talks about our future
he talks about our wedding
but
we are not yet engaged
and it's driving me
CRAZY
I need to relax
yes I know that
yes my friends have all
told me that
but it's hard
do you remember
this feeling?
I remember it
I hated it 11 years ago
and I hate it even more
now
I just want to know that my
future will be with him
although I of all people
know that an engagement does not
secure a future with anyone
PROPOSE ALREADY!
Maybe I should turn off wedding Day on WE

-b

Eh

Haven't felt like blogging this week
Thanks for the concern earlier
I am fine
but need to consult a surgeon
next week
I've been tired
so so very tired
and moody
and anxious
and just kind of icky
next week will be better
right?

-b

Ouch!

I had unexpeted surgery today
It hurt a lot
am home now
enjoying my vicodin
maybe I'll even go take a nap

Thanks Mel for holding my hand while I cried like a baby on the operating table
Thanks Patrick for taking over teaching duties with no warning
Thanks readers for caring

mmmm vicodin

-b

Who Am I?

I am happy, sad, moody, upbeat, full of life, full of despair, optimistic, pessimistic, nervous, confident, skinny, fat, and bloated

I am the nicest person you've ever met, the sneakiest bitch on the block, someone who loves to laugh, someone who cries when a voice is raised at her, someone who raises spirits, someone who pisses others off

I am a widow who misses her husband, I am a girlfriend who is completely in love, I am a mother who dotes on her children, I am a woman who loves being alone

I am a coward, more than I can ever share, I am stronger than I ever knew was possible I get anxious over things I cannot control, I rarely worry about things that I can control

I am a cook who loves to order takeout, I love a clean house, I hate cleaning, I complain about not having enough money, I hire people to do all my dirty work

I am a teacher who loves my job, I am a writer who desperately wants to write full time

I am b

Conversation With Jacob

J: Mommy, I have a friend that I can see, but no one else can.

b: Oh? You have an imaginary friend?

J: Yes, an imaginary friend.

b: What does your friend look like?

J: She has a beard and wears earrings.

b: Interesting!

Yes, my son has a cross gendered imaginary friend. How funny is that?

-b

Pictures From Syracuse
(We had an amazing weekend)

On Satuday morning, T, the boys and I went hiking. Yes, hiking! And until the end, when both boys wanted to be carried, we had an absolutely perfect time. Above is the entrance to our trail. Below are the 3 boys hiking together. Notice the walking sticks.

This was the view at the end of our trail. Pretty, isn't it?

I can't figure out how to turn this picture around. But it's the four of us in the parking lot. Decent picture, if only it wasn't sideways.

On Sunday we drove to an apple festival. On the way there we stopped at a fish hatchery. Strangely enough, the boys loved it, and would have spent the whole day there if given the chance. here they are with T's parents.

Below is a picture of Josh on a pony ride at the apple festival. He held a firm grasp on me the whole time, but by the end he was smiling.

Here are the boys
Tired boys (T's sister is in the background)

a cake T's mom made for dessert

-b

Off For The Weekend

We're heading to Syracuse tonight
We'll be back Monday night
There is no Internet
at T's Parents' house
so I won't be checking in
I'll post again on Tuesday
and I'll take lots of pictures
Have a great weekend!

-b

Red Sox Sadness

Joe loved the Red Sox more than any fan I know. He loved them when they were good, and he loved them when they were bad. He loved going to Fenway Park and watching the games while drinking beer, and he loved watching them on our porch while smoking a cigar.

Jacob was born on our 5 year anniversary. The next day was Father's Day; Joe's one and only Father's Day as a father. He dressed Jacob up on a Red Sox onesie and watched the game together from my hospital bed. It was, by all accounts, a perfect day.

I've always thought that the fact that Joe never lived to see the Red Sox win the World Series was one of the cruelest fates for him. Particularly because they won just a few months after he died. He was so close to seeing them win.

Have I shared my world series story here before? I'm too tired and lazy to check. Sorry if this is a repeat.

Jacob was a little over a year old. He was a champion sleeper (still is, knock on wood). When he was that age, he went to sleep at 6:00 on the dot, and stayed asleep until 6:00 the next morning. I can count on one hand the number of times he woke up during the night.

During the very last inning, of the very last game of the world series, Jacob woke up screaming. I ran into his room, scooped him out of his crib and brought him into bed with Josh and me. As a result, we all watched the Red Sox win the world series together as a family.

And I was convinced then, and am convinced now that Joe woke Jacob up, just as he would have if he had been here. I believe that Joe was watching that final inning with us. Sometimes I even believe that Joe had a little something to do with them winning.

I believe

Go Sox

-b

T and Jacob

T took Jacob hiking
this morning
just the two of them
Jacob was excited for it
all week
They had a great time
and T said
he wants to make
it a regular part
of the weekend
I feel so
lucky
I want to write
eharmony
a thank you letter
for introducing me
to my future

-b

Halfway There

I have officially lost 30 pounds!
30 pounds!
30 pounds!
I can't believe it!

Only 30 more to go!

-b

I'm In Love

Tonight at widow group I announced that I was in love. Of course they all knew that I love T, but I think it was the first time that I proclaimed "I am in love." It's a hard thing to admit, and I felt guilty admitting it for some reason. Everyone else is still so in love with their late husbands and while I will always have a special place in my heart for Joe, I am in love with someone new. It feels in some ways like I'm cheating, even though rationally I know I'm not.

When you look at me these days, I think you can see a glow that I haven't had in years. I feel good about myself (I'm down 28 pounds), I love my job again, my kids are doing really well, and I have a man in my life who makes me feel like I am special.

He also makes me feel like my kids are special to him. Tomorrow night is curriculum night at J & J's preschool. I told T that I would be out tonight for widow group and tomorrow night for curriculum night. I asked him if I should get a sitter for one of the two nights so that he could do his own thing. He told me to get a sitter for tomorrow night because he wants to go to curriculum night with me. HE WANTS TO GO TO CURRICULUM NIGHT!

How could I not be in love?

-b

Going a Little Too Green

When T moved in we decided to try to go a little green. We set up our recycling bins for paper and plastic, we got rid of disposable water bottles and bought nalgenes for everyone, we adjusted the length of our showers, and stopped running the faucet while brushing our teeth. We even gave up paper towels and paper napkins. Yes, you read that right. Our house has been paper free since May.

As much as I thought going paperless would be impossible, I have to admit that I was wrong. We use sponges to clean up spills, cloth napkins for meals, and dish towels instead of towels. I wash all of the cloth products with our towel load each week, and am spending much less than I was when we used paper towels for everything.

Last week (on Rosh Hashanah to be precise) our washing machine broke. We opted to buy a new one because ours was so old. We picked out an eco conscious front loader and are so excited for its arrival. Problem is, it won't be arriving for three weeks.

Last week I brought all of our laundry to my sister's house. Today I dropped all of our laundry at a laundromat that will wash, dry and fold for a small fortune.

Next week? Not quite sure. But i think I'll be buying some paper towels to get me through the next three weeks. While I'm all for saving the environment, I'm also all for not creating any more laundry than necessary.

-b

Pictures From NY

-b

Busy Time Of Year

I am not trying to neglect this blog
but this past week was incredibly busy
and this current week
promises to be just as busy

I feel like I'm rushing from
one activity
to the next
and am frustrated
that I haven't had time for the gym

I haven't gained any weight
but I've definitely plateaued
3 weeks now
at the same weight

Things are going well though
I saw my sister and her family
this past weekend in NYC
We went out for dinner
just she and I
and we had such a good time
we celebrated my nephew's 3rd birthday
and I got some great snuggle time with my niece

I have really cute pictures to share
I'll get them up this week

T is doing well
he's as sweet as ever
the boys are happy
both loving school
and my school year
couldn't be going any better

Life is great actually
just really busy
I'm sure you can all relate

miss you

-b

Family Traditions

Tonight marks the beginning of the Jewish New Year
This used to be my favorite holiday
When I was a child
My family would gather
and eat a great meal
cooked by my mother
There was no school, and no work, and always friends visiting

When I got older
the tradition changed just a little
My parents were no longer married
to each other
but my mother continued to cook and bake
my sister would visit from NYC
my brother would show up
we would all eat a big meal together

When I married Joe
the tradition changed
again
We would attend temple with his mother
and have a big meal with his family

When Joe died
I began a new tradition
One day I would visit his family
and the next I would eat with my own family

This year a new tradition will be born
Joe's family isn't speaking to me
and my family isn't acknowledging the holiday
well, my sister is, but she's in NYC
My parents, and brother are both working

T is working as well
I told him tonight that I was depressed that
the holiday I used to love so much
is being ignored
and that the boys and I
will be all alone

He asked me what I wished was happening
and I couldn't answer him
I don't even know
I just want to be surrounded by people that I love
I guess

Tomorrow morning I will take the boys
to temple
and then we will spend the day baking and cooking
and when T gets home from work
a day he promises to take off in the future
we will eat a big meal as a family
he reminded me tonight that we are a family
and we are starting a new tradition

Happy New Year
May it be filled with sweetness

-b

Girl's Night Out

Last night I took part in a fabulous girl's night out. It took place at JRowe's house, and was filled with friends, wine, food, and gossip. What could be better? This morning I had a cool realization. The whole night we never once talked about our kids, yet we were all moms. I love that a group of moms could hang out all night and find topics other than our kids to talk about. Thanks, Jenn!

As an aside, a gigantic congratulations to K from Texas. She got engaged this weekend! K is a fellow widow who also lost her husband while pregnant. I was lucky enough to meet her in person two years ago, and have been even luckier to have her still in my life, and have been able to visit with her three times since our first meeting. K, I am beyond ecstatic for you. You deserve this happiness, and I can't wait to meet Mr. Wonderful. BTW, they just bought a new house together, and she now has to sell her amazing dream house in Austin. Any readers looking to buy?

-b

Why We Will Never Be The Brady Bunch
(or any other happily blended family that never seem to remember that there was another parent at one point)

So T decided to have a "talk" with the boys about the idea of him marrying me and becoming their father on the ground (as opposed to their father in the sky.)

No, we are NOT yet engaged, but it's coming. It's really coming!

Anyways, T sat the boys down on the couch and told them that he wants to become their father. He asked them if that was OK with them.

Josh jumped up, ran over to hug T and said, "Yes! You can be my daddy, you can be my daddy!"

Jacob got a smile on his face. We asked him if it was OK with him.

"No," he replied. "But you can be my corn daddy."

"Your corn daddy?" we asked. "What is that?"

"A corn daddy is someone who eats corn, and poops out corn babies!"

hmmm. I assured T that this is Jacob's way of processing the news, but really, how does he come up with such responses?

1st day of school pics

-b

A Card

T gave me a card today

A going back to school card
with a handwritten poem inside

I love this man
he treats me
the way I deserve
to be treated

And I like to think
that I do the same
to him

School, by the way
was great
I have an amazing class
and Patrick is with me
again

This will be a good year
I can feel it

Jacob's appt. is Nov 14th
I guess this means it's not
an emergency?
Or maybe it just means
the neurologist
is extraordinarily busy
I'm hoping for the former

-b

Back To School

Tomorrow I head back
to school
I had an amazing summer
but
I'm ready for an amazing
school year
I'll post back tomorrow with
a Jacob update
Thanks for all your comments
on the previous post

-b

Jacob

How can this little guy possibly have something wrong with him?
His EEG came back abnormal
He very well may have epilepsy

We are meeting with a neurologist at Children's Hospital
to find out more
Please keep him in your thoughts

-b

Guess What I Fit Into?

My Pre-Jacob, post miscarriage clothes! While I was only pregnant for 10 weeks before miscarrying, I managed to gain enough weight for an entire pregnancy. And then after the miscarriage I was depressed and ate. A lot. Then I got pregnant with Jacob, and you know the rest of the story.

So while the clothes that I fit into are not my true pre-pregnancy clothes, they are close! I also went to TJmax to buy some back to school dresses. I didn't want to spend too much money since I plan on losing more, but I love the dresses I bought! They are cute I think. Not just big enough to cover my body, but cute!

Very exciting stuff.

As an aside, I'm feeling super anxious today. Jacob and T had a bit of a falling out this morning, and it has left me feeling uneasy. I know T loves the boys, but I also know that they are a bit of a hurdle in terms of the relationship. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but imagine dating someone with kids when you've never had them. When they act up, I think it's harder for T than it is for me. I think it's harder for guys in general, but even harder when the children aren't yours. I'm rambling I know. Just trying to sort out my anxiety.

Thanks for listening.

-b

The Test

Tomorrow night
I will keep Jacob awake
until 11 PM
And then will wake him
at 5 am Tuesday
The hardest part
will be keeping
him awake
until 12:30!
Wish us luck!

-b

p.s. I have lost 25 pounds! That was my summer goal and I achieved it! Go me!

Random Cuteness

• After getting out of the shower yesterday, I was greeted by Jacob. He looked my naked body up and down, and up and down again. He then said, "Mommy, you look very........odd." "I look odd?" I asked. "You look interesting. Interesting and odd."

• The boys went to the dentist yesterday. Dr. Rebecca gave them a choice of fluoride flavors. Strawberry, cherry, bubblegum, mint, or broccoli. Joshua chose broccoli, and was upset when Dr. Rebecca had told him she had just been kidding. He settled for mint.

-b

A Picture

Some of you have asked for a picture
I am now 22 pounds down
I still have 38 to go
but somehow
that doesn't
feel
as
overwhelming
as
60 did

Here is me yesterday:

-b

Making Working Out Work Out

This summer I have been working out on average 90 minutes per day. I do this at the gym where the boys go to preschool/camp. It's so convenient. I drop the boys off, work out, come home and shower, continue with my day, and pick the boys up.

But I hate the picking up part. While the preschool/gym is close to my work, it is not close to my home. Driving there twice a day is annoying because there's always traffic, and my car goes through gas like there's no tomorrow.

So I've been stressing out about how I'm going to continue working out once school resumes in less than three weeks. (Say it isn't so!) I won't have time to work out before school, and I feel guilty putting the boys in babysitting when I pick them up. They will have been in school from 7:45-3:45, and I just don't think that's fair.

So I was planning on bringing the boys home, playing with them, feeding them, bathing them, and putting them to bed. Then I was going to head back to the gym to work out.

But I know myself. I know that I won't want to drive all the way back to the gym. And there lay my dilemma. How do I continue working out daily once school resumes?

My solution? Join a second gym down the street. A gym that is less than a three minute drive. A gym that offers spinning (my new obsession) every night. A gym that allows me to pay monthly and cancel at any time if it's not working out. A gym that gives me a 20% discount because of my health insurance.

BTW, I have to belong at the first gym in order for the boys to go to preschool there. I know, it's crazy. Hopefully my solution is not crazy.

-b

Tired

This was an exhausting weekend
filled with high highs
and low lows
the latest low was bringing
Josh to the ER tonight
He's fine
but it came after a different low
another parent from our school
died

The highs were
great birthday parties
and an amazing date with T
I think it was my favorite date yet

A low was when Joshua knocked over 6 glass
half gallons of milk
onto the kitchen floor
flooding it with milk
and glass

A high was discovering
that I have lost
20 pounds!

A low was arguing
with a friend

It's been quite the weekend
and I am tired
Goodnight

-b

You Guys Are So Smart

So Jacob is NOT having an MRI
He IS having a sleep deprived EEG
Just like you said he should have
You are smart!

Now I have to figure out how to deprive him
of half his normal night's sleep
and keep him awake until his 12:30 appt

-b

Jacob

"Mama look! I'm ready to go camping!"
"um, ok."

"And Brooklyn is ready too."

-b