Friday, March 30, 2007


Monday night marks the start of Passover
It's a bittersweet holiday for me.

It was the last time my whole family was together
and we had a great time.

Jacob was 9 months old, and sat with us at the table. I was so proud of him eating his matzoh balls all by himself.

My sister and I were both pregnant, and we have a picture taken of our husbands with pillows under their shirts, and my sister and I holding them from behind. We were all laughing so hard, Joe's face was beet red. It was one of those moments so silly, that you really had to be there to appreciate it.

None of us knew that it would be our last gathering, the last time my family would see Joe conscious. That 3 weeks later, he would be dead. And I'm glad none of us knew. There was no sadness that night, no good-bye's, no tears. Just laughter, and games, and food, and family.

Happy Passover. May you enjoy time spent with your family, and feel pure joy of their presence.


Thursday, March 29, 2007

Is there a current show funnier than The Office?

I think not.


p.s. guess who's sick now? Yep, good old me.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Poor Joshie

He's sick
worse than Jacob was last week
He puked all over the doctor's office floor
bad mommy that I am was totally unprepared
no extra clothes
so we both sat there
covered in puke
as cleaners tried to wet vac the cantaloupe pieces
from the waiting room rug

not one of our finer moments


on a positive note, Josh has completely potty trained himself. No diapers for 5 days now!

Sunday, March 25, 2007


I love having T here
I really and truly do
I can't wait for him to move in


I have grown to like my space
Not all the time
but a few nights a week
I like to be alone

I don't like to talk on the phone
or chat on AIM
or even snuggle on the couch

I just want to be alone

Anyone else feel this way?


Saturday, March 24, 2007

Ready to Laugh?

Remember my post a few posts down, wondering who my stalker reader from Medford, MA is? I figured out who it is. Ready?

My stalker reader Yep, me. Damn sitemeter. I should never have started looking at it again.


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Reason # Gazillion That T Is Great

I got home from an appointment today around 6:00. T had made the boys a delicious dinner that Joshua immediately began eating. Jacob however, said that he was too tired to eat, and that he wanted to go to bed. We reminded him that if he didn't eat dinner, he wouldn't get dessert, and he said he didn't care. It's always a red flag when Jacob doesn't want dessert.

Jacob then complained that his head hurt, and asked if he could please go to bed. I took him upstairs, and he didn't even want to change into pajamas. He went right to sleep. I came downstairs and found Joshua done with his dinner, and asking if he could go to sleep.

So at 6:10, we had both boys asleep! I went ahead and made us dinner, and we sat down to eat. Suddenly we heard some crying. T said he would go investigate. He called me within a few minutes. Poor Jacob had thrown up everywhere! T cleaned Jacob off, then stripped and changed the sheets while I got Jacob changed.

We tucked Jacob back into bed, and I told T that I'd better call in sick for work tomorrow. He responded, "Why? I have tomorrow off!"
"You really want to spend your day off with my sick kid?" I said looking at him in disbelief.
"Yes," was his reply.

He's the best. Really and truly. I am incredibly lucky. To not have to worry about taking off yet another day from school is huge. Plus, he's willing to hang out all day with a pukey kid. Now I need to go get the puke smelling clothes off my body. Night!


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Bear With Me

I' m tired
so tired
just want a break
from everything
even one day
no whining
no fighting
no one to annoy me
no standardized tests
no crying students
no more of Joe's dad's crap
to be taken care of
no cleaning
no laundry
no dog
no bills
no broken appliances
no cracked windshields
no pressure
no responsibility
I'm so freaking


Monday, March 19, 2007

Who Are You?

Here's what I know:

You live near Medford, MA. You recently discovered this blog. You have read for hours today, and looked through many previous posts. Come clean now, who are you?


Sunday, March 18, 2007


Why must I doubt
that my life
can be good

Why can't I just
feel secure
with my relationships

Why can't I feel
like I deserve
to be loved

Why do I insist
on screwing
things up


Saturday, March 17, 2007


Jennifer asked me to look back at my medium post from last year, and reflect upon it. Interestingly enough, I had read it since I originally posted it. Let's go through it together now, shall we?

Sunday, December 18, 2005


I do believe this was the real deal. That being said, she said some of the same exact things that the medium said this summer, which leads me to believe that this summer's medium was on the right track as well. Thank god I took notes, because even though she's sending me a tape, we spoke for a little over two hours, and there is so much that I want to process now. I have about 8 full pages of notes. (yikes!!!) Here are some of the things in no particular order that she said:

1. She knew about the breakup that I just had. She said there was a 3rd person in the relationship, but it really had nothing to do with me. He wasn't feeding me a load of crap, he really had no other choice but to try this other direction. He feels really badly for this happening right before the holidays, and he will be back in my life again. Joe never liked him though.

This was referring to Andre, who had broken up with me just prior to my reading. He did re-enter my life very briefly, at the beginning of this school year. I pretty much never think of him. Hunny how that goes.

2. About Joe:
There is so much about Joe that she got right. He is here with me. I asked for proof, and the porch light went out. She said, "Did your porch light just go out?" God, I have the shivers now just thinking about it.

I asked for nicknames, and he said mine.

I asked about the boys' health. He said to please make sure they get the chickenpox. Nan (the medium) laughed when she said that. I said, "That's how Joe died." She said, "It caused his heart to stop?" I said, "yes."

He said that he watches me on the computer every night, and that he is going to help me find the right person to date.

He held Joshua in his arms before I did (I was still pregnant when Joe died) and Joshua sees him all the time. I need to pay attention to what Josh is looking and pointing at. Even though to me it never makes any sense, he's seeing Joe. They have a really strong connection.

Joe is really sorry. He kept saying he's sorry and was crying. (This happened this summer as well) For what? He said I would know. And I do. And I forgave him. Once I forgave him I swear to god I felt shivers run through me.

He also kept mentioning a red shirt. His last few months here he would always relax in a red fleece zip up. I still have it hanging in the closet.

He also mentioned a broken glass or vase. I'm not sure what that meant, but will think about it.

He feels like he let me down by leaving, but that in the long run, my life will be better. He comes to me in my dreams, and it's really him.

He also plays with me all the time, by having things fall to the floor, or puts them someplace that they weren't before.

He wants me to get an oil change, and to be on the lookout for a problem with the hot water heater.

How about our boiler?

He hasn't left me at all. He feels closer to me than ever. He is very worried about me. He kept saying that I have tears behind my smile, and when will I let them out? He says that I'm just going through the motions, living behind a plexi glass wall.

He had to go. He had to go. He had to go.

He tried to stay, but it wouldn't have been good if he stayed any longer. He really tried, but he had to go.

Keep reading to the boys. He loves to hear me read.

This was nice to read, a year and a half later.

3. About me:
I have a strong sense of wanting to be alone right now. I need to go with that, and not feel guilty.

I'm less able to deal with things now than I was in the beginning.

I don't let out my feeling enough, and that's why I keep getting sore throats. The words are literally getting stuck in my throat.

I'm meeting my obligations, but it's costing me a lot. I don't like to ask for help, and it's putting a strain on me. If a fall of a ledge, I will be caught.

It will not always be like this. It will not always be like this.

and it's not!

She sees changes for me at the end of January, and major (job) changes for me in March. The changes in March will be good for me, and will make my life easier. Be on the lookout for someone named David.

I did start a new business last March. I'm not sure who David was though.

I will have two more relationships before I meet my husband. The second relationship will almost be the right one. I will meet my future husband through second relationship. I have not met him yet. He's 6"2, solid and fit, salt and pepper hair, strong jaw. (cute, huh?) He won't have any children, but will adopt mine, and we will have a daughter together. This will happen in 2007. I will marry him 6 months after meeting him, because I will know right away that he is the one. No question. I will have a really happy life with him and our kids. Joe will bring him to me when I am ready.

hmmm. Does this mean T is not the one? He's the second guy I dated after I spoke with her. I'm going to hope that she got that one wrong. This is when speaking to a medium can get tricky.

I am not ready yet. Stop trying to jump into things. Take care of yourself first.

There is so much more, but I doubt anyone will even read this much, so I'll stop here.



edited to add:
She kept talking about the wizard of oz, and how my life is like Dorothy's house being caught up in the tornado. But that it would land, and I will walk out of the house and see color again. So I just turned on the television, and what's on? Wizard of Oz. How often is that on tv? And on the channel my tv turns on to?


Thursday, March 15, 2007

Answers to questions

qk said...

How is your class doing? You are 2/3 through the school year and I've wondered if things have gotten better for you.

School is going better. Either the class has chilled out a bit, or I've just adjusted to the craziness. I can't say I'll be sad when this school year is over, but they have grown on me. Here is a story that illustrates the class that I have this year:

Yesterday I had an IEP meeting for a girl in my class who has been struggling all year. Her dad announces in the meeting, that he's not worried about his daughter. "She's never going to be a good student, but she's a pretty girl, and she'll either become a model, or will marry a man who will take care of her."

Now I like this dad, but if these are your expectations for your child, then why would she ever achieve more than that? Argh! So frustrating. And I have an entire class like this!

It's Pi Day!! Did you celebrate? ;-)

I did not celebrate, but I did enjoy the idea of such an obscure holiday. What's next?

How are the boys settling in to their separate day time routines? Are they enjoying having their time away from each other, and appreciating their time together more? (LOL we can always dream right?)

They would prefer to be together all the time. They are truly best friends. But they are both adjusting to their days apart. Jacob likes school, and Josh likes not fighting for toys.
Anonymous said...

I want to know if you've eaten at your favorite restaurant by school again since they overcharged you.

Guilty as charged. *Head hanging low*

I tried to stay away. I really did. But I crave those freaking quesadillas! I went back two weeks after the incident. And then went back the next week, and the next week. *sigh*

Also do you think there will be wedding bells for you and T?

Yes. I do. HOLY CRAP!
Jennifer said....
So, if you would like, you could kind of do a "looking back on what the medium said would happen in the future" type thing. I think that would be pretty cool...was she right? Wrong? Still holding out hope?

That is a great idea, but should be a post all by itself. I will do that tomorrow.

Nick said...

What about some pictures, maybe of the city, for those of us too poor to travel there :) Or maybe a little politics, your thoughts on NCLB since it's coming up for renewal.

Pics will come soon. Politics is a good idea. My thoughts on NCLB? Do you really have to ask?! I hate NCLB with such a passion that it has made me question the idea of continuing teaching.

How about introducing us to some of your favorite bloggers, for those of us who don't know each other?

Excellent idea. I will save this for a new post as well.

Oh, I know a good one! How about a post on how you and T are planning to go to the Garrison Starr/Amy Correia concert this Sunday???

I knew there was something I was forgetting about this weekend! Darnnit!

Thanks for your help! Let me know if you have any further questions. This was easy. But is it interesting?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I'm Stuck

I can't think of a thing to post about

ideas? anything?


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Gulliver's Travels

Gulliver sure loves widows. First he came with me to my widow group, and now he's gone with Pentha to meet a whole new group of widows, many of whom I've had the pleasure of meeting before. Check them out here.

Great idea, Pentha! Loved the entry!


Saturday, March 10, 2007

Sophia Lily


Friday, March 09, 2007

Grey Hair

I spied my first grey hair
this morning
as I was inspecting
my head

Instead of becoming sad
I smiled at the sight

It was beautiful
and straight

unlike the corkscrew curls
that cover
the rest of my head

I plucked the

and immediately

I should have worn
that hair
with pride

I earned it
after all

Something tells me
that there will
be more
to come


Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Picture Post

It's been a while since I've posted any pictures. I don't have any of baby Sophia yet, so you'll have to deal with looking at my kids again. Sorry!
I like to call this one:
Playing with balls
(Could they be having any more fun?)

This one I call:
The Purim Guy

Jacob has been obsessed with Easter recently. Why? Because of the candy in Walgreens. He goes to a Jewish preschool, and has been learning about the holiday, Purim. He has been asking me for weeks, "After Purim, Easter?" Well, Sunday night, while the boys were eating dinner, the doorbell rang. It was a delivery from our temple. A care package for Purim, filled with candy. Guess what Jacob's new favorite holiday is? And he keeps saying, "That was sooo nice of the Purim Guy!"

This picture is called:
lovenotes from T

I know, you can't read it. I tried to take a picture that you could see, but I can't figure out how. T was here since last Thursday, but had to leave today for NY for business. When I walked in the back door, I could see a note hanging on the fridge for me. It says:
I'm always a bit reluctant
to leave, but I console myself
by saying I'll be back
See you in 2 days!
Talk with you tonight

How great is he?


Monday, March 05, 2007

She's Here!

Sophia Lily
7 pounds 9 ounces
10:19 PM

Mommy and baby are both doing well

I'm an auntie times two

Baby Sophia

is not here yet!
Any minute now....

Friday, March 02, 2007

Owning a Home

While I'm usually
I own a home

and I know
I'm lucky
to own
a home

it sucks

like when
the furnace
I have no
and the
boys have to
sleep at the sitters
and I have to bundle up
and suck it up
and try not to freeze
and then spend more
money than
I couldpossibly imagine
to replace it

and then one day
it rains so hard
that the basement
and I'm at work
and can't do anything
about it

but worry

It's times like
that makes me wish
I rented

p.s. thanks for your inquiries about my sister. The inducement was delayed until Monday.