Medium

I do believe this was the real deal. That being said, she said some of the same exact things that the medium said this summer, which leads me to believe that this summer's medium was on the right track as well. Thank god I took notes, because even though she's sending me a tape, we spoke for a little over two hours, and there is so much that I want to process now. I have about 8 full pages of notes. (yikes!!!) Here are some of the things in no particular order that she said:

1. She knew about the breakup that I just had. She said there was a 3rd person in the relationship, but it really had nothing to do with me. He wasn't feeding me a load of crap, he really had no other choice but to try this other direction. He feels really badly for this happening right before the holidays, and he will be back in my life again. Joe never liked him though.

2. About Joe:
There is so much about Joe that she got right. He is here with me. I asked for proof, and the porch light went out. She said, "Did your porch light just go out?" God, I have the shivers now just thinking about it.

I asked for nicknames, and he said mine.

I asked about the boys' health. He said to please make sure they get the chickenpox. Nan (the medium) laughed when she said that. I said, "That's how Joe died." She said, "It caused his heart to stop?" I said, "yes."

He said that he watches me on the computer every night, and that he is going to help me find the right person to date.

He held Joshua in his arms before I did (I was still pregnant when Joe died) and Joshua sees him all the time. I need to pay attention to what Josh is looking and pointing at. Even though to me it never makes any sense, he's seeing Joe. They have a really strong connection.

Joe is really sorry. He kept saying he's sorry and was crying. (This happened this summer as well) For what? He said I would know. And I do. And I forgave him. Once I forgave him I swear to god I felt shivers run through me.

He also kept mentioning a red shirt. His last few months here he would always relax in a red fleece zip up. I still have it hanging in the closet.

He also mentioned a broken glass or vase. I'm not sure what that meant, but will think about it.

He feels like he let me down by leaving, but that in the long run, my life will be better. He comes to me in my dreams, and it's really him.

He also plays with me all the time, by having things fall to the floor, or puts them someplace that they weren't before.

He wants me to get an oil change, and to be on the lookout for a problem with the hot water heater.

He hasn't left me at all. He feels closer to me than ever. He is very worried about me. He kept saying that I have tears behind my smile, and when will I let them out? He says that I'm just going through the motions, living behind a plexi glass wall.

He had to go. He had to go. He had to go.

He tried to stay, but it wouldn't have been good if he stayed any longer. He really tried, but he had to go.

Keep reading to the boys. He loves to hear me read.

3. About me:
I have a strong sense of wanting to be alone right now. I need to go with that, and not feel guilty.

I'm less able to deal with things now than I was in the beginning.

I don't let out my feeling enough, and that's why I keep getting sore throats. The words are literally getting stuck in my throat.

I'm meeting my obligations, but it's costing me a lot. I don't like to ask for help, and it's putting a strain on me. If a fall of a ledge, I will be caught.

It will not always be like this. It will not always be like this.

She sees changes for me at the end of January, and major (job) changes for me in March. The changes in March will be good for me, and will make my life easier. Be on the lookout for someone named David.

I will have two more relationships before I meet my husband. The second relationship will almost be the right one. I will meet my future husband through second relationship. I have not met him yet. He's 6"2, solid and fit, salt and pepper hair, strong jaw. (cute, huh?) He won't have any children, but will adopt mine, and we will have a daughter together. This will happen in 2007. I will marry him 6 months after meeting him, because I will know right away that he is the one. No question. I will have a really happy life with him and our kids. Joe will bring him to me when I am ready.

I am not ready yet. Stop trying to jump into things. Take care of yourself first.

There is so much more, but I doubt anyone will even read this much, so I'll stop here.

Wow.

-B

edited to add:
She kept talking about the wizard of oz, and how my life is like Dorothy's house being caught up in the tornado. But that it would land, and I will walk out of the house and see color again. So I just turned on the television, and what's on? Wizard of Oz. How often is that on tv? And on the channel my tv turns on to?