Dysfunctional Families

Is that an oxymoron? Is it possible to have a family that isn't dysfunctional? Mel and I were discussing this the other day, because if it's possible, I'd love for my kids to be able to say when they are grown that they grew up in a "functional" family. But I've been thinking a lot about it, and I can't name a single friend who can claim that they grew up in a functional family. Well, maybe I can think of one or two, but they then married men from dysfunctional families.

Is part of what makes a family a family having some dysfunction? And is that so bad? I mean, I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family, and learned many lessons from my mother of how not to be a mother, but I'm sure I will also make plenty of the mistakes I learned from her, as well as create new ones. But I consider myself a highly functioning person (most of the time) despite my upbringing. And my siblings are equally highly functioning people. So in the end, our dysfunctional family didn't prove to be too much of a negative on our adult lives.

The irony is that when Joe was alive I found myself falling into many of the roles that my own mother fell into. Mainly, ignoring problems, because that was much easier than dealing with them. If he were still alive, I can only imagine that I would still be falling into that pattern, and as a result this family would be dysfunctional. But since his death I have really examined my behavior in our relationship, and I have talked about it openly with friends and in therapy. And I am positive that I will never take on the submissive role in a relationship again. Therefore, my kids already have a greater chance of being raised in a functional family.

If that's possible :O)

-B