Dreams
I had 2 really vivid dreams this morning. One was watching a plane crash in front of me. Was there a plane crash last night? I'll have to look into that. It was a scary dream to say the least.
The other was of Joe. He wasn't dead. We were separated. But he wanted to get back together. So I saw him for the first time in a year and a half. And I showed him all the changes I made to the house. And I showed him the boys. And I just laid in his arms. And it felt so amazingly familiar and good. And I was so happy.
And then, out of nowhere I woke up. And I sat up and said out loud, "where is Joe?" And it took me about 3 minutes to remember that he is dead. I said out loud, "Oh my god, he's dead." I started to cry this horrible cry because it felt so good to have him with me. I wonder when it will sink in to my subconscious that he's dead. Not coming back.
These dreams are so amazing, yet so painful.
-B
5 comments:
b-
I don't have much to write on this one, since I am not in the same place as you.
That dream just sounds so bittersweet.
:)
I'm glad you are having them...the good ones. Remember from John Holland that he'll come back to you in different ways, music, dreams, lights: ) I bet he's amazed and very proud of all that you have accomplished this past year and a half.-J
It's hard to believe he's gone because Joe had such a strong presence. Sometimes driving down the road, I'll be behind an old blue Caddy thinking it must be him, and I find myself smiling. Then I remember.
I don't think someone with such a strong life force just dies. I think his presence is still felt just in a different form.-J
I agree with J. My guess is that he was holding you - just in a different way. I'm sorry it was so painful though, once it ended.
-m
Thanks for all those comments. They mean a lot to me.
SM, you're right. Bittersweet it was.
M, I hope you're right.
And J, I'm glad you still randomly think of Joe when you see certain things. I'll be forever grateful that the two of you shared that crazy drive home together years ago. I think that one car ride allowed you to see a side of Joe that many (of my friends) never got to see.
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