I Have a NB Update!
Yesterday morning I sent him the following email:
B,
Can you please tell me that you're alive?
I have no idea what has happened to you.
You didn't seem like the type of person to just dissapear, so I am very worried that something has happened to you.
If, for whatever reason, you don't want to see me anymore, at least let me know that you are ok, and that M is ok.
thanks,
Betsy
This morning I got back this:
Betsy,
I’m alive. I don’t know what happened. I emailed you on Sunday night (it was too late to call) that I had been in Tahoe over the weekend and had just come down from the mountains. I was supposed to fly back from Reno but the snow in Boston canceled that flight and because of the snow and all the flight cancellations I didn’t end up getting in until Tuesday morning from a Monday night red eye.. when I had to run directly to Fidelity in downtown Boston. I thought you were pissed at me for not getting back for our plans on Tuesday and that’s why I had not heard from you. I finished my stuff on Tuesday and came home and crashed after no sleep for like 2 days and yesterday was back at fidelity.
Disappearing acts are not my thing.
B
I have yet to respond, because I want your feedback. But my initial reaction is WTF?????????????
b
21 comments:
WTF indeed. My advice is to quit with the electronic communications and get on the phone. Far too much can get lost in translation if you keep it up online.
Owen gives you good advice. I've been in an LDR for 2-1/2 months, and it can be a b*tch. But I would encourage you to trust your gut on this one. We all have our opinions, but yours is the only one that really matters, KWIM? (But, for what it's worth, I say give him one more chance. He's sounded like a really good guy up until now. :) )
Two more days!!!
Hmmm. I am thinking. I too would switch to phone conversations and not electronic. Not sure why your electronic communications haven't always worked. seems odd. And A LOT can be told by voice tone.
If you choose to continue forward with him, you might want to set some gentle guidelines about checking in periodically (by phone or when you aren't home in case he just wants to leave a message.)
I just reread your note. I am not sure why he was able to function at work and not call you to wish you happy birthday on Tuesday...even if he couldn't get together then. He says he is not into games then he should have called you even if he thought you might be mad.
See if he'll resend you his original note too (check the date sent...). Be curious to see how it was worded.
Sigh. Well, glad to hear he was not hurt...
Everyone here at work says DROP HIM!! And don't respond to his lame-ass email. The fact that he doesn't apologize for his behavior means he either doesn't think he's done anything wrong or doesn't care. I also think it's telling that he doesn't add something like, "I hope we can see each other soon." He's a weirdo. Save yourself the heartache and find a better NB.
I have to kindly oppose the suggestion to drop him without talking to him first. It sounds like he messed up in a very insensitive way, but even otherwise good people make such mistakes. If talking to him indicates that he doesn't understand why this upset you, or doesn't seem to care, then drop him like a sack of oats. If talking to him reveals that he feels terribly about what happened, then I think it might be worth it to try to work through this. Just my take.
I think it's all been said!! And I concur, that something just doesn't add up.
Not feeling the love here, not feeling it at all!
But, you do what YOU need to, and we will support you, you know that.
(BY the way, DAMN blogger, I have been trying to post on this for 2 hours!!!)
Aggravated all around here.
Just my own experience with men, but after four dates, they don't necessarily want to hear about your feelings and how you've been hurt. I would agree with Owen if you've been dating for 6 months. But, do what you want. Now that I have his email and phone number I'm just dying to call him (or email him) and say exactly how I feel about what he's done. Oh please let me, please!
I'm with Owen. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt (often too much so) but I think you'll feel better if you talk with him first.
Maybe just an email that says too hard to just email, let's talk later.
hm
He seems to have an answer for everything. But yes, he passed by many phones in his travels.
Obviously it's your call. I suspect you'll want better resolution on this so you'll probably have to talk to him. But I agree with the others, stop with the email.
Hmmm...
Take it from a single gal...
There is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for his poor behavior. If you have never been in contact over the phone then maybe, but that's a BIG maybe, I'd reply back to his email.
But not even ONE phone call during that week to wish you a happy bday or just to check in? Remember...there's a reason he's divorced!! Yeah, I might sound harsh with that statement, but you know what I mean. It's just a big reason to tread carefully.
AND, as someone once told me...if he has time to pee, he has time to make a 5 minute call!!
I've dated the gauntlet of men and have had a few long-term relationships. And trust me, if a guy is really, REALLY into you, he could be bleeding to death, but he'd still find a way to still say 'hi'.
*sigh*
Of course, reply as you wish, pursue or don't pursue it as you wish. Just really think about the behavior and the type of guy you want to date and stick to that.
Yeah, easier said than done, but remember...a good man will not increase the anxieties in your life. He'll actually help alleviate them.
And one more thing...
"Disappearing acts are not my thing."
Uhh....disappearing may not be "his thing", but poor communication and lack of consideration and thoughtfulness totally is!
I say f'em. He's just one speed bump along the way to better things.
*sigh*
Welcome to my world. :-P
It'll be ok. We will support you however you want to respond.
Love ya,
RM
Oh yeah...and if he didn't hear a reply to his 'lost email', then why no follow up???
Fishy
Fishy
Fishy!!!!
I'm done ranting now. You know where I stand! :-P
Regardless of the validity of the story he gave you (all too detailed and rushed for my liking anyway), I would have appreciated a simple I'M SORRY.
Those simple words would have saved himself the embarassment of his choppy email. My favorite part was the beginning "I don't know what happened"...and then he launches into evey single detail of his trip home.
He clearly does know what happened, from lounging in the mountains of Tahoe...to Reno...please! Sounds weak to me! Is he trying to sound impressive, overly busy, truly stranded without any method of communication...none of which are believable.
You are a true person who knows what you want in life, and are trying you best to find it. I don't think he is it. Maybe I am wrong, but I think that disappearing acts should become "his thing".
From a friend who cares...
Strangely enough from the girl who has little patience and a big temper I agree with Owen you will forever wonder about things If you don't at least talk to him that's not say keep him but at least hear him out...N
If R gets to call and e-mail then so do I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or I could drive by his house...
My take is.....you gave him the benefit of the doubt, but he didn't do the same for you. That is what concerns me the most. He "assumed" you were pissed and that you got his e-mail, which you didn't. And if he really was that into you, I believe he would have contacted you by phone as some of the others mentioned at this point. AND the lack of sorry or even, wow, thanks for your concern. I also don't buy his story, slept for 2 days?? On Valentine's day AND your birthday. Yeah, right! Drop him.
So what are you going to do???
Owen said:
I have to kindly oppose the suggestion to drop him without talking to him first. It sounds like he messed up in a very insensitive way, but even otherwise good people make such mistakes. If talking to him indicates that he doesn't understand why this upset you, or doesn't seem to care, then drop him like a sack of oats. If talking to him reveals that he feels terribly about what happened, then I think it might be worth it to try to work through this. Just my take.
I have to agree on this one.
I've had e-mails get lost so electronic is not the only way to go. I also think the phone conversations thing is a good idea. I've been dumped by text message and e-mail (incidentally by the same girl) and it sucks.
Like I said in my e-mail, guys are idiots and we can do insensitive things but the reality is that we don't often mean to do it.
Talk to him either on phone or face to face (best option in my humble opinion) and if you still feel uneasy after doing so it would be better to walk away.
B,
I keep rereading your post and I can't drop it. Dating stuff is really hitting a nerve with me these days...
I seriously think you need to drop this guy. Even if you want to follow up with an email or one last dinner to talk, I would seriously reconsider guarding your heart with him going forward.
I can understand everyone saying give him the benefit of the doubt. And while I'm sure he has his reason, and even fear and trepidation are valid ones, the fact is that YOU even called to follow up during the week but didn't hear from him. So all forms of communication didn't work? Even his home phone when he got back from his trip??
So, while I can understand his line about "I thought you were pissed..." being the reason he didn't call, do you really want a guy who is too afraid to follow up with you when he has upset you? And not only that, but too chicken to CALL in response to the letter you sent him above?
Just more fodder for thought.
-RM
Oh and another thing... (ha ha...I can't tell whose more pissed about it, me or you!!)
If it REALLY was a misunderstanding (as it is implied in the email), I'd really think he'd call to talk and you'd hear such relief in his voice.
But this email didn't even say anything about, let's talk later...or will call you to chat about it.
Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Ok...I will stop posting now. :-P
Love ya.
And that's why I'm saying all of this!
-RM
B
what did you decide to do?
what do you think of everything everyone said?
Did you realize how popular you are???
:)
OK, I am going to be getting off the computer for the night soon, and I am checking your blog like a madwoman because I want to know how you are, and what you are going to do.
:P
My laundry and Six Feet Under are calling me, and then it will be time for bed.
How are you girl?
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