Hard Morning

Joined a temple this morning
Had planned to do this for some time
Jacob is starting preschool at a Jewish school
and I really wanted to start taking the boys to services
especially on holidays

When Joe and I got married
we weren't religious at all
but we always said that once we had kids
we'd start practicing Judaism again

I've been trying here and there
but now we can really get involved
and the boys can understand the holidays that we celebrate

Back to my hard morning

I had to meet with the director to discuss my finances
and she was wonderfully warm
and sweet and kind
She got me a very discounted rate
and signed me up

But then
she checked of the "single" box on the application
and I welled up

This was something we were going to do together
Joe and I
I shouldn't be having to ask for financial help
from the nice lady
She shouldn't have to check off the single box
like it means nothing

Sometimes the reality of my life hits me
like a huge smack in the face

I went to school and cried in my classroom
and then felt nothing the rest of the day
no joy
no sadness
just nothing

It's those damn little things again
The little things that aren't so little

does this post make any sense?
-b

p.s. Michele, I told the woman at the temple that one of the members of my support group was married to the architect who designed the addition. She said, CM's wife? And then got all teary talking about how wonderful he and you were. It was nice to see what an impact he had on her. And the building was beautiful. He was so talented.