Monday, October 02, 2006

atonement

Today is Yom Kippur, or the Day of atonement. Jews are supposed to fast all day, pray in temple, and think about mistakes you made during the past year. I chose instead to spend the day with my boys, eat chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and pick pumpkins for Joe's grave. (To Whomever visited Joe's grave recently and left him a cigar, thank you. It meant a lot to see that someone who really knew him had recently visited.)

Anyways, since I didn't atone in temple, I thought I would do it here. Here are the regrets I have for this past year:

1. I should never have slept with NB! Ugh, I would redo that one if I could.
2. I regret the times I threatened to spank the boys because I was feeling frustrated. They didn't deserve to be spoken to that way.
3. I regret not being a better friend to my friends. I've been terrible at returning phone calls, and responding to emails.
4. I regret drugging the puppy when I wanted her to sleep.
5. I regret the times I ignored my kids so that I could spend time on the computer.
6. I regret not setting better boundaries for my kids.
7. I regret keeping my kids away from Joe's family for so long last year. That wasn't the right thing for me to do.
8. I regret not standing up for Mel in our infamous last day of school meeting.
9. I regret not sticking with any of my diets, or with running. (I really enjoyed the running)
10. I regret all the times I got worked up over a driver on the road. Road rage is not safe, nor is it worthy of my time.

I'm sure there's plenty more, but that's all I can come up with for right now. Anyone else want to atone?

-b

8 comments:

Highlandgal said...

#3, #5, #9, #10. I concur.

I know know nothing about this holiday. I see you are recalling the things you did wrong, does it also include a promise or vow to do better?

b said...

basically yes. You are recognizing mistakes you made, and with that recognition hope to not make the same mistakes again.

Maisy said...

Don't feel bad about drugging the dog. She's the bottom of the pecking order! If you'd drugged yourself out was Brooklyn going to get the boys up and ready in the morning and go to work in your place? Did it help you have a half degree or more coping ability to get through the night and the next day?

For the first year after Michael died I continued to walk my dogs in the early morning. It was only after that first terrible year was over that I realised that it meant that Seb woke up to no parent at home as well as coming home after school to no parent at home. Seb is more important than the dogs. I regret not realising that sooner.

Ali

Maisy said...

Can I have another regret?

I regret not being rich!

Perhaps that doesn't count though, as that's a mistake from the year before - I didn't insure my husband!

Ali - who will probably regret this comment!

Sandy. said...

I regret not insuring my husband too Ali.

I have to say though, I hate having regrets.

I know I have regrets from the past year, but I'm having a tough time verbalizing them. I'll have to think about that one.

b said...

ali, I'm with you, but that would be a regret I had from 3 years ago! If only he had life insurance....

Mrs. G.F. said...

I think the whole short-tempered thing with kids is right on for me...I have been a bear with them lately...

I just want to be better at the things I do, a better mom, wife, friend..person...

Nat said...

I regret not living the life to full, if I make any sense. regret having a go at my husband this morning for not doing the dishes, and for having a go at Vicki for drawing on the wall yet again.
I regret not kicking my pedofile neighbour in between his legs, and not telling my Mom about him.. I regret not eating that belgian waffle with ice-cream the other day, cause I am trying to loose weight..