Life after Death
One would think that after all this time
images of Joe in the hospital would have faded
that when I closed my eyes at night
his dying body wouldn't appear in my head
One would think that almost four years
would be enough time to erase those memories
that the happiness that surrounds me
would properly bandage the wounds in my soul
One would think that by this point
I wouldn't still be having nightmares
where I'm trying to save him
trying to keep him here with me
then watching him fly away, farther away then ever
One would think that by now
I would no longer miss him
in the intense way
that I am currently missing him
One would be wrong
One would think that after all this time
images of Joe in the hospital would have faded
that when I closed my eyes at night
his dying body wouldn't appear in my head
One would think that almost four years
would be enough time to erase those memories
that the happiness that surrounds me
would properly bandage the wounds in my soul
One would think that by this point
I wouldn't still be having nightmares
where I'm trying to save him
trying to keep him here with me
then watching him fly away, farther away then ever
One would think that by now
I would no longer miss him
in the intense way
that I am currently missing him
One would be wrong
-b
5 comments:
I don't think those memories ever go away. I had a dream about him a couple weeks ago (right after we spoke). Strangely vivid, b/c I never remember dreams, I was going to call you, but decided not to. bca
Yes. One would be wrong.
And his death remains so wrong.
Wrong. So much is wrong.
I don't think anyone who has been through this would think so. I can pull up images of Will in those last minutes without much effort but I try to avoid things that might take me there because it serves no good purpose. But dreaming I cannot always control and I do still have restless, dreamed filled nights sometimes - exhausting, or nightmares that I can't seem to access when I wake up. Watching someone die is a traumatic experience which our conscious and unconscious mind is going to need time to process.
Sorry you are going through this part again.
Four years has done nothing to erase the images, the sadness, or the pain. I don't have nightmares, but boy do I wish I would have dreams...Just to see him again.
Bernie
I'm sorry, B. I'm so new to this- it's only been 4 1/2 months- but now that I've had some days that I could almost call 'normal', the contrast between those times and the overwhelming waves of grief is, well, overwhelming. I imagine it's a similarly start contrast when you are 4 years out and have a lot of happiness in your life. Lots of love to you.
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