Anxious
I am anxious
as in
feel like I'm going to puke
anxious
Is it the workshop
that starts tomorrow
that I really want to back out of
but won't because Melanie will kick my butt?
It could be
I've seen the writing the other writers
are working on
mine is inferior
by far
I'm not saying that so you can tell
me how great my writing is
I'm saying that because it's true
my writing looks like
whining by a five year old
don't deny it
Am I anxious because
it's the end of the school year
and there are about
one million things that
I need to get done
in the next ten days?
It could be
I never handle the end of the year
very well
Am I anxious because
T is moving in
and he's talking about all
of the changes we're going to
make to the house
and it's freaking me out
but I don't want to tell him
that it's freaking me out?
It could be that
as well.
Maybe it's something else entirely
I am anxious
as in
feel like I'm going to puke
anxious
Is it the workshop
that starts tomorrow
that I really want to back out of
but won't because Melanie will kick my butt?
It could be
I've seen the writing the other writers
are working on
mine is inferior
by far
I'm not saying that so you can tell
me how great my writing is
I'm saying that because it's true
my writing looks like
whining by a five year old
don't deny it
Am I anxious because
it's the end of the school year
and there are about
one million things that
I need to get done
in the next ten days?
It could be
I never handle the end of the year
very well
Am I anxious because
T is moving in
and he's talking about all
of the changes we're going to
make to the house
and it's freaking me out
but I don't want to tell him
that it's freaking me out?
It could be that
as well.
Maybe it's something else entirely
-b
11 comments:
Freaking out seems to be a reasonable state of being with all that's going on.
I don't think backing out of the workshop will do anything to decrease you anxiety levels - might even make them worse. It'd certainly add a level of self-doubt if not self-loathing. :)
And honest, experiential (is that really a word? Sounds good anyway) writing is not whining.
GO TO THE WORKSHOP
T making changes to your house is a thorny issue. Hmmmm. My rule of thumb is that you need to live in a house for 6 months before making real changes as what seems like a good idea changes after living with things for a while. You may have been there for years but it's a new house for T. Good luck with that one....
Ali
Anxious is a good way to put how you're feeling. I would be feeling that way too with all that is happening. As you know change good or bad, I suck at it... I can relate to the anxious feeling.
I think the workshop will be a truly rewarding experience for you. Strive for your own personal best don't make it about others' writing. As N said, we'll all be happy to buy a copy of your best seller.
Focus on the workshop, the end of the year will breeze by just get as much as you can done and don't dwell on what you don't accomplish. (Give me this line next year when I'm freaking out!)
T making changes to the house that's a tough one. Let him know it's freaking you out a little, but don't let him know the whole extent. He'll get the idea.
Good luck...I'm so excited to hear more about the workshop. I wish for a speedy 10 days!
Quote"T making changes to your house is a thorny issue. Hmmmm. My rule of thumb is that you need to live in a house for 6 months before making real changes as what seems like a good idea changes after living with things for a while"
I agree 100% with the above. I also agree with j and ali 100%, too. I am a joiner! LOL No, seriously, I think they speak great wisdom and have good background to support thier voices.
I am very anxious too at this point in my life, but I think you 100% deserve to be! Leading to no sleep. You have dealt with it all and are blessed enough to be in the place you are now!!
Hugs and prayers for a wonderful summer!! I feel blessed to have met and known you!!!
I'm sorry to be the bossy friend, but I stand by my bossiness... You deserve to be in that workshop. I think it will be a wonderful experience. (I don't blame you for being anxious though...)
As for the others, BREATHE. You'll get through it. One foot in front of the other...
Hang in. :o)Mel
you are going to the workshop to learn - to improve - to grow. it has nothing to do with anything anyone else is working on. you were selected for a reason. because you have a lot to say. and because you ARE a great writer. so... GO... learn, grow... it will be an amazing experience. I am sure of it.
the end of the year is going to fly by. you'll be busy, but then you'll be on vacation. a long, blissful vacation, with time to focus on yourself. so just plow through... it will be over before you know it.
i am sure T is just expressing his excitement about making it "your" (his and yours together) home. he probably has not thought about how it might come across to you, so i urge you to gently let him know. he is just seeing the future, the possibilities, and really, that's a good thing. he will know it's hard for you - if you tell him. (but i agree with everyone above - no changes until he's really lived in the space a while - and YOU are comfortable with whatever he's proposing!)
ej
I think you're anxious because of all the recent dragon sightings in your area. You know you get nervous when there are dragons around. You always have. Just remember, they're more afraid of you then you are of them. If they eat you, it's only because they're insecure. And they have to live with that. So, I ask you, who's really anxious? I'll tell you who. The dragons. The dragons are anxious. Feel better? Good.
I love you Owen. And miss you. Come slay the dragons?
Thanks everyone else for the comments too. I will go to the workshop, but am sure the anxiety will be there tomorrow!
Maybe you should hypnotize T... and tell him things will be done your way or he will become a frog.
ooh! I like that one!
We tend to see our own style as plain or "old hat" while the style of others seem more extraordinary.
But ......
keep in mind that to others your style will seem just as unique.
I rather like your writing style.
It seems that those responsible for selecting the students agree with me.
:)
in_the_clover
xoxo
Better late then never.
First off, I'm in 100% agreement with everything everyone said about the workshop.
Second, be honest with T, let him know what's on your mind. He'll appreciate that, and you'll appreciate having it off your chest.
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