Life Can Be Sweet
(My famous peanut butter hersey kiss cookies. Recipe to follow)
(My famous peanut butter hersey kiss cookies. Recipe to follow)I went to the wedding of the son of a member of widow group last night. I had only briefly met S's son once, and had never met his bride before. The one word that I would use to sum up what I saw when I looked at this young couple is passionate. They were clearly passionately in love. I'm not sure I've ever seen a couple look so in love, so passionate about one another.
I want to be passionately in love. I'm not sure it's possible anymore. After feeling that way once, and losing that person I felt so passionate about, I'm not sure if my heart will allow me to feel that way again.
I think that I'm in love with Tim. And he says that he's in love with me. But the passion doesn't always feel that strong to me. Does that make sense? Is that a reason to end things? Or is this the best I can do? And I don't mean that in a negative way towards Tim. I think he's amazing. What I mean is, is there someone out there that I would feel more passionate about?
It's scary, this dating thing. And with kids, the stakes are high. I don't want to screw up. I don't want to make the wrong choice. I don't want to choose someone solely because they want me. And I'm not sure how to tell if that's what I'm doing.
One of the things I like most about my relationship with Tim is our ability to communicate. Last night he insisted that I share with him what was bothering me. I hemmed and hawed for a while, but finally I admitted the truth. I was worried that there wasn't enough passion. We discussed it for a while, and made a plan to try to change things. He never once got defensive, even when I said some pretty personal things about him. We'll see how it goes.
I do believe he's worth working on things for. He cares for me deeply, and he's great with my kids. He's smart, funny, and nice. He has a huge heart. I feel safe and relaxed with him. But I want to feel shivers go through my spine when I look at him. That couple last night clearly had those shivers. You could see them from across the room.
Time will tell I guess.
Thanks for your support as always. Hope this post made sense. I would appreciate any feedback you can give. Clearly I'm a bit confused.
-b
p.s. last night while Tim was babysitting, Josh told him he needed to use the potty. Tim took him upstairs and Josh pooped on the potty! That's a first for either of my kids.
I want to be passionately in love. I'm not sure it's possible anymore. After feeling that way once, and losing that person I felt so passionate about, I'm not sure if my heart will allow me to feel that way again.
I think that I'm in love with Tim. And he says that he's in love with me. But the passion doesn't always feel that strong to me. Does that make sense? Is that a reason to end things? Or is this the best I can do? And I don't mean that in a negative way towards Tim. I think he's amazing. What I mean is, is there someone out there that I would feel more passionate about?
It's scary, this dating thing. And with kids, the stakes are high. I don't want to screw up. I don't want to make the wrong choice. I don't want to choose someone solely because they want me. And I'm not sure how to tell if that's what I'm doing.
One of the things I like most about my relationship with Tim is our ability to communicate. Last night he insisted that I share with him what was bothering me. I hemmed and hawed for a while, but finally I admitted the truth. I was worried that there wasn't enough passion. We discussed it for a while, and made a plan to try to change things. He never once got defensive, even when I said some pretty personal things about him. We'll see how it goes.
I do believe he's worth working on things for. He cares for me deeply, and he's great with my kids. He's smart, funny, and nice. He has a huge heart. I feel safe and relaxed with him. But I want to feel shivers go through my spine when I look at him. That couple last night clearly had those shivers. You could see them from across the room.
Time will tell I guess.
Thanks for your support as always. Hope this post made sense. I would appreciate any feedback you can give. Clearly I'm a bit confused.
-b
p.s. last night while Tim was babysitting, Josh told him he needed to use the potty. Tim took him upstairs and Josh pooped on the potty! That's a first for either of my kids.
Chocolate Kiss Peanut Butter Cookies
(we made these together yesterday and had a blast)
(we made these together yesterday and had a blast)
2 2/3 C. flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C. butter
2/3 C. creamy peanut butter
1 C. sugar
1 C. brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
sugar for rolling cookies
45 chocolate kisses
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C. butter
2/3 C. creamy peanut butter
1 C. sugar
1 C. brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
sugar for rolling cookies
45 chocolate kisses
Sift flour w/ baking soda and salt. In large bowl, beat butter and peanut butter until smooth. Add sugars. Beat until light and fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla. Beat until smooth. Stir in flour mixture. Scoop spoonfuls of dough into balls. Roll in sugar. Place on ungreased baking sheets. Use fork to press down. Bake in preheated 375 oven for 8 minutes. Remove from oven, pit 2-3 kisses on each cookie. Bake for additional minute, and remove from oven. Trust me here, even if they don't look done, they are. Enjoy with milk. Life can be sweet.
16 comments:
Oh, that's a toughie, B.
I myself go back and forth on this one. Yep, the passion has to be there...but I've experienced varying levels of passion in my current life as a widow. The most passionate relationship I've had was with MY T...and that was a train wreck. So passion does not always equate to a healthy relationship.
I noticed during that relationship that the passion increased as our connection became stronger. For me, I know that I need to feel a spiritual connection with someone...and that level of connection must be cultivated over time.
If there's zero or little spark there, then I don't know that it'll happen later. But, if there's at least a medium spark, I think that giving your relationship more time to grow would be the right move.
He sounds like such a great guy...big points that he did not get defensive, and big points to you for being so honest with him. I don't personally think you would have put yourself through that conversation if you didn't feel some level of connection with him.
And yep, it is SO hard when there are young kids in the mix! It takes a special guy...we both know this!
Love ya...
Kel,
There is a strong connection...there are sparks. Just not crazy fireworks. Ya know?
Okay, let's try this again...I tried to respond and it didn't take.
I think you should give it some time. There weren't crazy fireworks for me when R visited...and yet, the spiritual connection was as strong as any I've ever experienced.
You are going to be busier than ever this fall, and there may be times where you really don't get to see T very often. That'll probably give you your answer too. If you're super anxious to see him, that says something. And if phone conversations are sufficient, that tells you a lot too.
BIG HARD HUGS B...
I dont know what to say. I cant give advice, it will sound silly.
Trust your gut feelling, always:)
To hell with my diet, I am making the cookies tomorrow, and will even post pictures to proove it. I dont know where to get chocolate kisses though, but I love the name:)
ok...this one I definately have to comment on although it will not help.
I had minimal chemistry with my ex-husband but we were best friends and the minimal chemistry manifested itself and was the demise of our marriage. It is definately not something that you can make happen.
Then I had the most amazing chemistry with J and I still believe that he was my soulmate and that did not work either and that was the hardest thing that I have ever had to accept so far in my life.
Do we get another chance at soulmate love or not? What are we able to compromise on in a relationship? What works and what is the answer who knows...I think it is only for the person in each relationship to decide.
Also, thank you again for getting together for lunch; it was truly one of the best times that I have had in a really long time even though it was for a short amount of time. It was so good to see you and K. I hope to see you again soon.
Passion is a hard one, B. Either the person gives you butterflies or that spark or he doesnt. You cant really make it happen. But I believe that if there is a connection it can grow over time. I say give it time and see what happens. He seems like a great guy. :)
I had very lil chemistry with my NJBC and it was umm rocky at best. But for me, it matters more if we can communicate and when I wasnt hemming and hawing it was good.
Good luck, B.
Well, my 2 cents on this topic....
beleive it or not my Mom and I were talking about this a few days ago, about one of my best freinds that isn't married yet, and she is expecting big fireowrks pasion sort of thing..but she isn't finding it.
My Mom and I supposed that maybe, as we get older, that whole fireworks thing isn't there as much as when we were younger. Heck, we know about all the stuff that has to go into maintaining a relationship and things do have an ebb and flow.
That's not to say there shouldn't be SOME attraction/spark.
Also, you are comparing someone's wedding day to a day in and out relationship.
One would hope that a couple of their wedding day would be excited/passionate about it.
Hope this muddled mess of thoughts made sense...
There's lots of good advice/understanding on your comments.
And...now what am I going to eat for dessert tonight now that I am looking at the pics of your YUMMY cookies???
Want to eat them....
Deep breaths, be patient.
One way or another, things will work out for the best.
:o)
I think you need to take things one day at a time, and things will workout as they should be. The fact that you feel good around T and you can talk to him openly and honestly is important. See what happens now that you've told him how you feel.
Passion is ever changing... you may find you don't even like him very much some days: ) Just joking. On a more serious note...go Josh!! What an accomplishment.
Trust yourself, you know what's best for your family.
Here's the other variable... The one who lights your shorts...ahem, ignites your passion, could be all wrong for you. Great chemistry does not a great relationship make. I've seen couples where the passion was almost combustible, but so were the arguments. Passion is a fine thing, but it isn't the foundation for a lasting relationship. I agree that letting love grow could help along those lines.
I think it's too early to know yet.
There seems to be enough reasons to give Tag some time. You're not getting married next month are you? Well, just chill and see what happens to the 'gut feeling' over the next few months.
Ali
Just another 2 cents, I have been reading your blog for a while now and through many of your posts, I hear a lot of "like" towards T. When I got married, I married my best friend, on our wedding day, every one said exactly the same thing as you are describing. However, I don't know if that's how I describe it, I love him, more than anything in the world and I think that's what shows, not necessarily passion but a true and deep respect and love. I think you can absolutely grow to feel more passionate towards someone pending the love has room to grow and you chose to nurture it. I can't imagine having to love again so realize this love will be different, it won't be filled with the innocence that once filled your heart. Give it a chance and let it happen, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Amy
Here's my two cents. Take Joe and the boys out of the scenario for a minute and pretend you were just dating him and you've never been married before. You'd probably give it some more time before you made any major decisions. If you don't really "love" him then after more time you'll realize that for that certain. Right now, I'd just go along for the ride and see what happens. You seem to enjoy your time with him, so why not?
On the flip side, I know you are probably concerned about the boys getting attached to him and then what if you break up in six months? But you are an amazing and strong little family, you'll do just fine no matter what comes of it.
Hugs
Thank you all. Your thoughts mean a lot to me. I truly appreciate you taking the time to weigh in on this.
Um, B, I know you're busy with school and all. But can you pleeeeeeease make a new post so that I don't have to see those cookies every time I check your blog??? I would really appreciate it! ;)
p.s. have a great first day tomorrow, and I hope Jacob has a great day at his new preschool!
I've been where you are. I was mad for my first girlfriend and the next one just didn't feel right. I still had passionate feelings for my first and still do to this day.
It's hard to let go but I'm beginning to think that passion is highly overrated.
I mean look at a burning magnesium. It looks beautiful, bruns brightly, then just as fast as it came it disappears.
But then look at a burning log. Doesn't burn as brightly but it burns and burns until nothing is left often hours down the track. But that slow burning log provides you with heat and it has more romance to it than the fizzler.
I believe that currently what you have with T is the burning log. Don't remove the log from the fire merely because it doesn't burn like Magnesium, leave it there to provide you with heat and romance.
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