To Post or not To Post
That is the question
That is the question
For the past two years I have posted Joe's story during the days leading up to his death. I have done it for a number of reasons. One reason was it was cathartic for me, one reason was to share his story with my readers, many of whom didn't know his story. The most important reason for me was so his story wouldn't be forgotten. I was so scared of his story being forgotten.
I am torn this year on posting his story. I am not sure I have any new readers, and in fact think I have lost readers over the past year. Assuming that's true, you have all read his story once or twice, and probably don't want to read it again. So I am nervous that I will post the story and it won't get read, and that will depress me.
That said, I'm also not sure that Joe's story should be Joe's story. Joe lived like no one else I have ever met. The way Joe lived should be his story, not the way he died. So maybe we should share stories of how he lived? Maybe I should do both?
What do you think? What should I do? Please advise.
Help me
-b
I am torn this year on posting his story. I am not sure I have any new readers, and in fact think I have lost readers over the past year. Assuming that's true, you have all read his story once or twice, and probably don't want to read it again. So I am nervous that I will post the story and it won't get read, and that will depress me.
That said, I'm also not sure that Joe's story should be Joe's story. Joe lived like no one else I have ever met. The way Joe lived should be his story, not the way he died. So maybe we should share stories of how he lived? Maybe I should do both?
What do you think? What should I do? Please advise.
Help me
-b
19 comments:
b- i may go missing from time to time, but you have not lost me as a reader, nor as a friend. i can see your dilemma. i think it shows a tremendous amount of strength and growth and healing that you are even asking this question. it seems to me that you couldn't have even conceived of not posting the story over the last 2 years. and i assure you, promise you, that anyone who knows the story, whether they know you IRL or not, can never, ever forget it. so maybe this year you honor joe by sharing the story about his life. That said, if you decide otherwise, I promise to read - and to cry.
xoxoxoxo- ej
b-
Still here, still reading every day in between packing. I don't know which you should do. Maybe whatever your heart feels is right, maybe a little of both. No matter what you decide I am here and you are in my thoughts.
write whatever will be most comforting to you... i will read either way.
a loyal lurker
I agree with K and anon. Do what feels right to you. There are so many of us that read that love you dearly and only want you to do what makes this time of year a little less painful. We will read no matter what you choose. :o)M
I have never written the full account of Will's story. Some of it I just don't feel right telling because it would give a wrong impression of him. His illness changed him so much. And I understand wondering whose story it is to tell. I often feel that I was just a minor player in Will's life.
Tell both. I think that our endings should be honored but our lives should be what really mattered.
I've been asking myself the same question, b, even though I have until August. I think (THINK) that what I will do is not actually republish the story, but each day of that week from hell provide a link to my telling of the story last year.
I don't know... But I suspect I will know as July dwindles and August 1 looms.
Hugs.
I thyink you should write whatever makes you feel better, whatever you want. I know I've read his story twice, but it doesnt mean I wont read if you write it again. At the same time, it will be nice to hear more about him, about what made him the man you fell in love with. But really, just write whatever is best for you, believe me, you wont lose loyal readers by writing from your heart.
Nat said it perfectly. Write what ever is in your heart; what ever helps you process or eases your pain. We'll be here, reading, regardless of what you choose. Sending hugs to you.
I love the idea of writing about how he lived.
Jessica
i have to say Joe lived a pretty interesting life....N
What will be of most comfort to YOU? I was never lucky enough to know Joe. But I've been blessed and lucky enough to know a wonderful woman named B. And whatever is going to provide the most solace for her is what I'm going to read.
I'm a new reader... but I have gone back and read your account of Joe's death (and cried). My first thought was actually that you started this blog because of Joe, but that really, now, it is more about you and the person you have become and are becoming. So maybe something about the way in which Joe changed you? The parts of him that you have integrated into your own self, and what characteristics of him you see in yourself and in your children. I think that honors him, tells us more about him, while also acknowledging that he is no longer physically with you. That being said, I will read whatever you write, and will most likely cry.
I know what I'm going to do! It came to me in the shower. Each day of that Week from Hell, I will tell a part of OUR story, our meeting and courtship, our love and marriage. At the end of each entry, I will have a link to the record of what happened on that date in 2004.
I agree that it's 100% up to you and you should do whatever you need to to make this time of year easier on you. But, just wanted to let you know that you do have new readers - I started reading a month or so ago after you posted something on Urbanbaby. I find you blog very touching. Good luck to you!
For me, it would be too depressing to read it again. Four years later, and I'm still surprised that he died! Instead, tell the story of him getting drunk on the plane and calling you a dirty bird.
I would love to hear more about Joe. Share some stories of funny, stupid things he did. Things he did that made you laugh and some things that made you mad. Give us some goods! :)
b
Do what you need to do. I've read Joe's story twice, and I'll read it again. I would like to hear more stories about Joe while he was with you.
i don't think you should feel compelled to write anything just b/c of the time of year.
Thank for your help. I am taking Alicia's advice. We'll see how it goes.
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