One more on Joe
It still amazes me how much is expected of a widow/widower immediately after their spouse dies. I had to make more decisions within the first 24 hours after Joe died then I had ever made before. It started the moment I walked into the house after (finally) leaving the hospital. Scratch that, it started in the hospital!
After we left Joe's room, I had to meet with someone, I don't even know who! I had to tell that person what to do with Joe's body. What funeral home was he going to. Luckily, my whole family was there, and they had some knowledge about funeral homes. I announced that I wanted the rabbi who married us to officiate the funeral. This was all within an hour of him dying.
Then I got home, and as I walked in, the phone was ringing. It was the funeral home director wanting details from me. I remember sitting at my dining room table that was filled with food, thanks to my amazing friends. My friends were sitting around the table, and I was telling the funeral home director facts about Joe. Facts like his time of death, his place of birth, his Hebrew name, how did his face look upon his death, what would I like him dressed in for his funeral. i was in such shock still, and I had to answer these questions. It was like a really really bad dream.
The next day I had to pick a cemetery, pick a plot, pick a coffin, and negotiate the details of his service. Thank god my siblings and mother were with me. I don't know what I would have done without them. So many decisions, so many questions. It was awful.
My other saving grace were my friends. While I was out making these decisions, they were watching Jacob, cleaning (seriously cleaning)my house, making me meals, and shopping for funeral clothes for me. I actually came home to two outfit choices thanks to Anna and Jen (thanks guys!)
I also came home to an amazing photo tribute to Joe that was displayed at his funeral, and is now hanging in the play room. I feel so lucky to have such amazing friends who helped me through such a difficult time.
Here is the photo collage they made:
(click on image to make larger)
After we left Joe's room, I had to meet with someone, I don't even know who! I had to tell that person what to do with Joe's body. What funeral home was he going to. Luckily, my whole family was there, and they had some knowledge about funeral homes. I announced that I wanted the rabbi who married us to officiate the funeral. This was all within an hour of him dying.
Then I got home, and as I walked in, the phone was ringing. It was the funeral home director wanting details from me. I remember sitting at my dining room table that was filled with food, thanks to my amazing friends. My friends were sitting around the table, and I was telling the funeral home director facts about Joe. Facts like his time of death, his place of birth, his Hebrew name, how did his face look upon his death, what would I like him dressed in for his funeral. i was in such shock still, and I had to answer these questions. It was like a really really bad dream.
The next day I had to pick a cemetery, pick a plot, pick a coffin, and negotiate the details of his service. Thank god my siblings and mother were with me. I don't know what I would have done without them. So many decisions, so many questions. It was awful.
My other saving grace were my friends. While I was out making these decisions, they were watching Jacob, cleaning (seriously cleaning)my house, making me meals, and shopping for funeral clothes for me. I actually came home to two outfit choices thanks to Anna and Jen (thanks guys!)
I also came home to an amazing photo tribute to Joe that was displayed at his funeral, and is now hanging in the play room. I feel so lucky to have such amazing friends who helped me through such a difficult time.
Here is the photo collage they made:
(click on image to make larger)-b
5 comments:
I loved seeing those pics! I've only seen one pic of Joe before. The resemblance between Joe and your boys is unbelievable!!!
You were lucky to have so many people to help. I did all that on my own though the funeral was a non-issue because I didn't have money for that or a burial plot at that point. I had met with the funeral director when Will went into hospice three months earlier, so much of that was done.
Food? I think there was food - maybe at some point. I couldn't eat any of it because of my allergies. I remember that.
It's a bit crazy what is expected so quickly, isn't it? A precursor of what is to come, I guess.
Thanks for the update on Brooklyn by the way.
Annie, I cannot imagine doing it myself. I'm sorry to hear that you did.
Leslie, thanks! We didn't own a digital camera, so I have no digital pics of Joe, and therefore rarely post them.
ditto exactly what leslie said! the boys look just like joe. how are you doing here on the other side of this week? still thinking of you - xo-ej
Every year I read your blog around this time it breaks my heart just as much as he first time I heard Joe's story. The saddness of all that we lost doesn not seem to soften as time passes it seems. It feels so helplessly harsh. I hope you are hanging in there. Sending you my love B!
Love,
Rebecca (widow group)
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